Tortured Soul Read online

  Feeling the need to give her a reprieve, I slid her from my lap and stood. She took my outstretched hand easily. “Come on, you’ve been cooped up in here all day, let me feed you.” She followed me out of the room. “I might even be able to scrounge up some chocolate.” Her eyes lit up at that and my heart did a little flip. It was a sensation I was not used to feeling. Desire and lust were common denominators in my previous relationships, the need to see my woman flush with pleasure was always first and foremost. The satisfaction at seeing my woman smile over chocolate was just down right crazy, but right now I would have bought shares in Hershey’s if I knew it would bring Em happiness.

  CHAPTER 21

  EMILY

  The next couple of days passed quickly. My awkwardness and shame waking the morning after being with Braiden hadn’t totally disappeared, but I wasn’t shuddering in a corner like a complete nut job. We hadn’t been together like that again since, but Braiden was constantly around, close enough I could reach out and touch him as I pleased. And after a day or two of fearing it, I did. I shouldn’t have found something as simple as touching someone so difficult. After Braiden had first brought me home, it had been incredibly difficult, but for different reasons. No longer did I fear tainting others with my sin. Now, I wasn’t sure where my boundaries were when it came to Braiden. He wasn’t my master, but he was more than just a friend. I wanted to be able to touch him when I wanted. It was something I’d been forbidden to do in the past, unless specifically asked to. Braiden had clearly noticed my internal dilemma about touching him and assured me he wanted my touch, it made him happy. When I still hesitated, he took charge of the situation; holding my hand or running his fingers down my arm or simply brushing my hair behind my ear. The last two nights I slept in Braiden’s bed. I tucked into his body feeling safe and secure. Even though a big part of me wanted more than that safe embrace, I realized if I wasn’t able to ask for it, I wasn’t ready for it. Braiden didn’t push either and I found myself wanting him to, needing him to. I needed him to force me to be brave. I also knew Braiden shouldn’t have to push me into intimacy. It needed to come naturally, and more importantly, it needed to be my choice completely.

  It was Thanksgiving today and we were invited to have dinner at Rebecca and Charlie’s. Everyone had been invited, and I cringed at the thought of the social gathering. Small talk was not my forte. Talk of any kind was not really my forte. I was becoming more comfortable around people, especially Braiden. Larz was the easiest to be around, most likely because of the vast amount of time we spent together over the last six months. I shouldn’t have been nervous about being around Rebecca’s friends—they were all incredibly welcoming and nice. None of them pushed me for more than I could give, and they all seemed more than comfortable with my presence, whether I spent it sitting quietly in the corner or tried to clumsily participate in their conversations. I still couldn’t help the nerves that racked me as I stood in front of the large door to Rebecca’s house with a plate of Gabbie’s famous polenta in my arms. Gabbie and Bomber were talking business with Parker, who stood in the shadows of the front porch. Braiden took my free hand and gently squeezed it as the front door burst open. Rebecca beamed at me in all her pin-up style glory. As usual, her hair was in an intricate and complex style on top of her head, and her makeup was soft and pale, except for the bright red lipstick. She wore a vibrant blue dress that clung to her breasts and waist before it flared into a full skirt held up with layers of tulle. She was wearing a beautiful pair of matching blue heels that completed the ensemble. She looked stunning and made my simple black dress and heels pale in comparison.

  “Em, you look beautiful,” she whispered in awe. Her expression was so open I knew she honestly thought it.

  I glanced down at my dress and back to hers. “B, have you been drinking?” I softly chastised. “Look at you, you’re so gorgeous and bright. I look like a dark room compared to you.”

  Rebecca scoffed as Charlie reached around and took the plate of food from my arms. “Hey there, pretty girl.” He winked at me.

  Ordinarily, a display of affection like that would have unnerved me. But the way Charlie kissed my sister’s shoulder with unbridled affection, I knew it wasn’t meant to be tasteless. He was simply being himself and treating me like the little sister I was.

  “Mr. Grey, looking dapper tonight,” he greeted Braiden.

  I had no idea who Mr. Grey was or why he called Braiden that, but Braiden obviously knew what he meant and raised a brow in amusement. “Charlie, it’s good to know you’re still reading women’s erotica. It’ll make my Christmas shopping much easier this year.”

  Charlie laughed as we strolled into the house. It was already bustling with people.

  “Oh, Em, your shoes are so pretty,” gushed Ella, who stood by her monster of a man, Jax. She was eyeing my shoes with undisguised longing.

  “Ummm, thanks,” I murmured. “You can borrow them if you want,” I offered.

  She shook her head and sighed. “No, heels and I are not a match made in heaven. I shit you not. I walk like a stalk with broken legs when I wear them.”

  Rebecca snickered. “You just need to practice walking around in them. Your problem is your unhealthy attachment to those nasty damn sneakers.”

  Jax’s eyes sparkled with amusement. “Oh, she has practiced. In fact, a few months ago she walked around the house wearing nothing but the sexiest damn pair of heels I’ve ever seen.”

  Ella snorted. “How the hell would you know what they looked like? Your eyes barely got lower than my waist.”

  I glanced to Mercy who stood beside David.

  She shook her head. “Let’s try and keep this PG rated tonight, kids,” she reprimanded. She gave me a genuine smile as she leaned forward and kissed my cheek. David gave me a warm smile before pressing a chaste kiss to Mercy’s forehead. Their affection for each other seemed so pure and easy, I found myself a little jealous over it. I pulled my gaze away from the loving couple, taking in the crowded living room. Jax, Dillon, Charlie and Larz sat around the TV, watching the pre-game show. Their voices were excited as they discussed the football game that would soon follow. I found Eli sitting in the corner, his concentration devoted to a hand held game in his lap. The women were in the kitchen, the men in the living room, and I wasn’t sure where I fit in. Obviously it should have been with the women. Rebecca’s glance my way every now and again, in an effort to include, me confirmed that. But I found myself shuffling nervously between the two rooms. Braiden gave the back of my hand a kiss before joining the men, leaving me to figure out my place on my own. Going against the grain, I sat down beside Eli. He nudged me with his shoulder and handed me the small console he’d been focused on. He quickly explained the technicalities of his golf game, and I had it down in no time.

  “You know, you’re kind of a freak,” Eli mumbled. I raised a brow. “Girl’s aren’t supposed to be good at gaming,”

  My lips twitched with the need to smile. “Really? What are girls meant to be good at then?”

  He shrugged. “Shopping?”

  “Well, I don’t like crowds.” Eli fidgeted and I knew he was itching to have his game back in his hands.

  “What if there were rollercoasters and bumper cars?” he asked. His question was a little out of left field.

  “Ummm, I guess that would make suffering the crowds a little more bearable. Why?”

  “In a couple of months, the spring fair will be here, and I want to go there for my birthday. Do you want to come?”

  The spring fair would be more crowded than the mall, but the hopeful look in Eli’s eyes made me suck up my foolish fear and press my shoulders back. “I’d love to, as long as you go on a rollercoaster with me.”

  Eli’s smile was blinding and contagious. I couldn’t help but return it. When I glanced up, I noticed a few surprised glances my way, but thankfully they were gone quickly as everyone went back to their conversations. Soon enough, most of us were sitting around the table or at
the breakfast bar. It was a cozy scene and a little rowdy, but I was strangely comfortable surrounded by these people. I felt safe and even if they didn’t understand my hesitancy with touch or my apprehension at being around them, they never pointed it out or made me feel unwelcome.

  “Alright, I’m starving, so let’s do this quick. Mercy you go first,” said Rebecca.

  Confused by what was taking place, I watched as Mercy sat up a little straighter and smiled us.

  “Okay, I’m thankful that all my family, and yes, you are all family, are here safe and sound. I’m so very proud of you all and love each and every one of you.”

  Mercy looked a little teary as David cleared his throat beside her. “I’m thankful we have so many at the table this year. It really does feel like a family. I’m also thankful for all the help each of you give at the shelter. You do it without complaint, whenever asked, so thank you.”

  There were nods of agreement from everyone around the table.

  “I’m thankful for Annie’s coffee. Rebecca would be a raging bitch without it,” added Lola with a grin on her face, letting us know she was just joking, mostly. Ella laughed loudly as Rebecca slapped her playfully on the back of the head.

  “I’m thankful for my healthy, handsome son.” Annie beamed at Eli. “And I’m thankful you are all here to help us. It means so much to me.”

  “I’m thankful for my Gameboy.” Eli grinned. A surprising and silent reprimand from Dillon made Eli scowl. “And I’m thankful for my mom because she’s the best.” Eli leaned over and gave Annie a quick kiss on the cheek, and I swear, all the women at the table sighed.

  “I’m thankful to be surrounded by good friends and family, and that everyone is safe and sound. And I’m also thankful that I didn’t get shot this year,” Dillon said, giving Ella a wink.

  “Well, I’m thankful Dillon didn’t get shot again this year, too,” Ella said with a smile. “And I’m very thankful my man impregnated me.”

  Jax’s grin couldn’t get any bigger. “I’m very, very thankful you let me impregnate you.”

  Mercy slapped him on the shoulder but he didn’t seem to notice as he stared lovingly into Ella’s eyes.

  “What’s impregnate mean?” asked Eli from beside me.

  I almost spurted the mouthful of water I had just taken across the table, and Annie shook her head.

  Braiden leaned toward Eli. “It means they are thankful they are going to have a baby.” Eli nodded, obviously happy with that answer.

  “I’m thankful you girls are safe,” Braiden cast an eye around the women sitting at the table, his gazing settling on me last. Realizing the room had gone silent, and it was my turn, I suddenly felt a little panicked. I should have been thinking about what to say rather than taking such an interest in what everyone else was saying.

  “Ummm, I’m thankful I’m not sitting at a Jonas Levier’s feet this Thanksgiving.”

  If this had been a movie, this is where they would insert the sound of crickets chirping.

  “I’m thankful my sister isn’t sitting at that asshole’s feet, too,” said Rebecca, breaking the silence. “And I’m thankful for Braiden and Dillon and their team for bringing her home to me. And I’m thankful to Charlie for being...well...everything.” Her first tear fell.

  “I win!” exclaimed Jax, looking at his watch. “She started crying in under twenty seconds.”

  “You ass! I can’t believe you made a bet on that,” yelled Rebecca as Charlie wiped away her tears. Her smile told me she wasn’t angry though. Her sheepish expression confirmed maybe she had expected the bet.

  “I’m thankful...” Charlie leaned in and whispered something in Rebecca’s ear. Whatever he said it made her cheeks deepen to a red that rivaled the red Christmas themed table cloth before us.

  “Can we eat now?” groaned Eli.

  And just like that, Thanksgiving dinner began.

  ***

  Once we were back at Braiden’s, I showered and dressed in a comfy pair of pajamas. I thought about the evening. It hadn’t been as bad as I assumed it would be. Everyone had laughed and joked around me while I watched in silence. They all seemed at ease with my presence, which in turn made me feel at ease. What surprised me was Braiden’s quiet intensity. While he and I talked at length in private, in a social scene Braiden was more like me than I realized. He seemed content to sit back and just watch the conversations going on around him, talking politely and with ease when he had to. Nobody seemed to notice his quiet demeanor, and if they did, they didn’t say anything about it. While Jax and Charlie’s booming voices were heard over everyone else’s, Braiden’s occasional quiet input seemed to demand a respect that was undoubtedly given by the other men. Where Jonas’ word was law and no one would speak over him or against him, Braiden’s word seemed to be valued by the men, but they also had no problem disagreeing or disputing his ideas. Where Jonas would have such brazen disagreement of his word punished, Braiden simply grinned and shook his head. His calm manner made my heart pound with appreciation. During the entire evening, he had cast glances at me that were filled with longing and hunger. His devious grin told me his thoughts were anything but thankful. Now, as I paced restlessly around my room, my body thrummed with need. With a long deep breath, I decided to make a choice. A frightening choice, but it was my own choice.

  I found Braiden in his office. He looked a little shocked when I closed the door behind me and flicked the lock. I turned to face him. My hands shook and my heart pounded with anticipation. He leaned back in his chair and watched me with those predatory eyes.

  “Malen’kaya,” he said in a voice that made my skin tingle.

  I moved toward him quickly, using the confidence created by my own aching need. Braiden pushed his chair away from his desk as I slid in front of him. His hair hung just over his eyes and I pushed it away so I could see that penetrating gaze that made my body heat.

  “I want you,” I whispered.

  I saw the question in his eyes. To answer, I slowly pulled the cotton pajamas off until I was completely naked and bared to him, scars and all. Knowing he did not favor a woman on her knees, I seated myself on his desk, placed my hands behind my back, and slightly parted my thighs. The offer was one of complete submission. I was open to him for his pleasure. The surge of lust in his eyes caused my nipples to harden.

  “Remember, Malen’kaya, you only have to say no,” he reminded me. My answer was to lean back a little more. Braiden’s eyes dropped to my core, and his tongue darted out to wet his lips in anticipation. Slowly, gently, he pushed my knees wider apart. “Keep your hands on the desk,” he commanded with a husky voice. A small part of me found some fear in his command, but I knew if I asked him to stop he would. I had reached a place in my life where I could honestly say I trusted him completely.

  His gaze found mine as he leaned forward and ran his nose along the skin of my leg, which caused me to shiver in response. He kissed the inside of my thigh, still watching me with his eyes that were black as night. Then without hesitation, he leaned forward and licked my core. His tongue delved deep within my folds. I groaned loudly as I watched his lips suck my clit into his mouth. Oh my God, I was going to come undone on his mouth. He stopped sucking and moved his tongue back to my entrance. He probed relentlessly before taking my entire pussy into his mouth, sucking and licking. The warmth from his mouth was driving me quickly to orgasm. I lifted one hand to tug at his hair and the assault on me stopped abruptly.

  “Hands,” he growled.

  I quickly returned my hand to the desk, and as I did, his mouth returned to me. My head fell back as he did things with his mouth that I never knew possible. My hands stayed on the desk, and when I screamed with the intense orgasm that consumed me, Braiden didn’t move away. He simply licked and sucked until I couldn’t stand the touch on my sensitive clit any longer. Standing, Braiden quickly peeled off his clothes, and the hard, strong warrior stood in front of me completely naked, his rigid length held in his hand. As he began
to stroke himself, my heart sped up again and my body trembled.

  “Stand up and turn around. I want you to press those beautiful breasts to my desk.” I obediently stood and turned, laying myself over the desk. “Put your hands behind your back.” His voice was gentle but a command nevertheless. I reached my hands around and Braiden encouraged me to link my fingers together. “I’m not going to use restraints on you, Em, not yet. We will improvise until you are ready.” Knowing I could get my hands loose when I pleased helped settle my racing heart. “Is this okay, Em?” Braiden asked, as his hands caressed my ass. I nodded. “Words, Em, I need to hear in your voice that you’re okay.”

  “Yes, I’m alright.” I was almost embarrassed by the breathlessness in my voice. Braiden’s hands continued to rub and squeeze my ass before slipping between my legs to cup my pussy. His fingers entered me, long, slow thrusts that drove me wild. Before I knew it I could feel another orgasm building.

  “So wet,” he whispered, finally guiding his cock to my folds. He rubbed himself against my entrance, sliding up towards my ass and back again. For a moment I thought he was going to enter my rear passage. It wasn’t something I was unaccustomed to, but it was something I wasn’t ready for tonight. My body tensed expecting the intrusion that never came. Braiden leaned over me, his chest against my back and hands.

  “Remember to use words, Em. If I do something you don’t want or like, say no.” He rubbed his cock through the folds of my pussy, teasing me, tempting me. Finally he began to push inside. Once fully seated, he paused before pulling away slowly and slamming back into me, hard. My body slid against the cold hard surface of his desk as he tormented me with his long, slow, hard pumps.